it's because you're always on that damn vibrator
You matter, regardless of how the people around make you feel you do matter, your opinion matters, your existence matters, and one day you will find people who will reassure you on this, don’t give up, don’t loose hope.
The thing was - she hated him but she loved him at the same time. Or maybe she loved him so much and for that she hated him. Or maybe she hated him to the extent where you can't help but fall in love because the hatred goes so deep the lines get blurry.
In the end it didn't matter. The choice was made before she could even think about it. Maybe that's why she was so fucking mad - knowing that she was fighting so hard and was so tired and this choice was against everything she did to survive but she couldn't fight it - it was something that needed to be done. She knew Johnny, without any of his shitty defense mechanisms, knew that he wanted to live as much as she did. And despite her every flaw, despite the place she grew up in, she still was as loyal as the stray dog picked up from the streets - and when the time came she knew she couldn't let him down, let him go somewhere unreachable and continue living with it.
Once he asked her if she would take a bullet for him. The sad truth was - she definitely would, even while being pissed off, angry and so, so outraged about how unfair her life was.
The shit she was ready to do out of love.
saevus-brutalis